WHEN KHANS KOLLIDE!!!

Yes, friends, there ain't no mistruth about it -- the diametrically dysfunctional Delusionaires are embarking on a two-day micro-tour of the sweet, sultry South with our Canadian-German brethren THE KING KHAN AND BBQ SHOW!  Third week of April, two shows only!  Monday, April 22nd, ya can catch this mess in our semi-hometown (well, for Artie, that is) of Atlanta, GA, at The Basement in East Atlanta Village. Here's a  visual aid in that regard...

... and the next night, we're takin' this chaos on the road to the sweatier, more seductive shadows of Siberia, in the noblest nooks of New Orleans, LA!  To wit:

Ya can skip one, or ya can skip the other, but ya ain't gonna wanna skip 'em both -- these two gigs are the only two Southeastern shows for the King Khan & BBQ Show this tour, and they're not exactly the easiest act to catch these days!  On top o' that, wily young Winthrop's expecting a new little Delusionheir within days of these dates, so that's gonna necessarily knock the Dels outa the danceterias for a good while.  Dig 'em while ya can, doggies!

WEBFULL O' WAX

I'm man enough to admit that sales of our new LP FLOOZE PARTY have dropped precipitously since its release in mid-January, but ya can't say we haven't tried.  Well, actually, you can say that, 'cause we haven't!  There's been no shows since the release party (where, it must be said, we sold a veritable shit-ton o' spinners -- thank you, Orlando!), and the pleasures of promotion & distribution are best enjoyed by men less aged and cavalier than we. In short, we haven't done squat to try to move this mother.

Good nooz is, a coupla far cooler cats have taken up the challenge, so if yer one of the desolate few not to have scored this slithering spinner, yer in luck!  We're proud and pleased to report that you can score the monumental mayhem of FLOOZE PARTY with a coupla quick clicks at Go Zombie! Records (where ya can also snag a CD copy of the Dels' first longplayer, 2003's monolithic DESTINATION POON, while supplies last!) or, in a palm-sweatingly palpitating development, from the legendary Norton Records, in whose company (smack dab between the Dictators and the Black Lips!) we find ourselves dizzyingly honored, humbled, and bewildered.  Either way, yer a winner -- give 'em a click and a spin!

And finally, for those of ya preferring a more personal shopping experience, we are proud to boast that you can pick up our little wax aphrodisiac in person at the incredible Psychotronic Store at 859 1/2 Broad Street in Augusta, GA (Map), worth a trip from anywhere in this great nation.  Set aside the better part of yer day, 'cause it's only the pleading eyes of yer spouse that's gonna pull ya away from this titillating trove of treasures.  Finer company we could not keep!

FLYERAMA, PT. 3: HERE & THERE

...and here we have miscellaneous old flyers tossed together back in the day.  Self-explanatory...

FLYERAMA, PT. 2: THE PEACOCK ROOM

After Bodhisaatva's closing, the Peacock Room became the primary clubhouse for the Delusionaires' more informal, laissez-faire shows, albeit in a slightly less debauched environment (for one thing, we had to actually leave after they closed for the night).  We instantly felt at home there, and for good reason: a couple years earlier, that very location was the video store I'd worked at, in which our first few months of practices were held.  I'm happy to report the building has done considerably better as a bar than as a video store, and the Peacock is one of the few classic Dels locations to still exist in its original form.  Booking became a little trickier there after Pat Greene left; during his tenure, there was at least one occasion where we learned of the gig that very morning in the paper.  Effortless!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE "ORIGINAL" DELUSIONAIRES...

This blog's officially one day old now, so I'm gonna tell ya before we get too far in: there's not a lotta success stories yer gonna read here.  The Delusionaires just weren't that kinda band.  Which in retrospect is for the best, 'cause as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing less interesting than reading about how great a show went, or how well a record sold; failures, shames, and disasters make for much better history, and I think you'll find we've laid a solid groundwork for some riveting reading to come...

That said, this post commemorates an event that not only did NOT end catastrophically, but actually ended up as one of our more successful ventures. This, of course, could be none other than the Delusionaires' "40th Anniversary Reunion" at the Peacock Room, ca. Halloween of 2004.  The inspiration came a couple of months earlier after a show at Will's, when Jim & I shook our heads at Nadeem's semi-geriatric ensemble of high-ankled black socks and shorts and envisioned our elderly selves reuniting in decades to come, billed as "The Original" Delusionaires to differentiate us from the franchise's presumedly numerous lineups over the years.  For once, we actually followed through, and with a vengeance. Come Halloween, we were hosting our own 40th anniversary spectacular (our logic being that since none of us would be alive 40 years hence, we better play the reunion while we still could), and no stops went unpulled.  We employed a (very messy) bubble machine for atmosphere (unfortunately directly behind me & Jim, lathering our asses in a most undignified manner for a good hour straight), a nurse was in attendance for emergencies (which proved essential when 80-year-old Artie took it a little too far on the dance floor), a rousing game of Bingo provided the intermission activities (the prizes being autographed Depends diapers), and both Nadeem and Brian showcased mercilessly bald pates for all to admire (the latter slightly concealed by a first-class combover).  The years had not been too affectionate toward the boys' stamina or musicianship, but you had to give 'em credit, their stented, angina-ridden hearts were all in it...

Billed, in classic fashion, after the customary single remaining member...

Lil' Jimmy's dentures stay put long enough to finish a song...

The gorgeous and incomparable Lorna Lambey joins in for a stunning finale, while her much-missed partner and spouse Mark Wayne handles the lovelies on the dance floor.  Miss y'all hard....

FLYERAMA, PT. 1: BODHISATTVA!

Gradually attempting to gather the artifacts of the Dels' love affair with Kinkos over the years, an undertaking severely complicated by my amazing disorganization, laziness, and history of failing hard drives.  First up's a batch from the beloved Bodhisattva Social Club, our first and favoritist home-ahead-of-home, where many of our highest and lowest moments were to occur.  Hell, I met my wife there at a Dels show, thanks to Nadeem, who had invited her in the course of a Yahoo Groups discussion while she was in town on business.  We played there on their official opening night (our second show; we didn't even have a real name yet) as well as on their very last night (though nobody would know this until the next day, when chains mysteriously greeted the staff as they arrived for work).  I'll get into specific Bodhisattva stories in due time; for now, here's some of the slop we used to try to sucker people into seein' us there...

SHORT SHORTS!

Another fake video culled from the new FLOOZE PARTY longplayer, showcasing the Dels' titillating tag-team with Atlanta's luscious F'n Heartbreaks.  Precious little planning or preparation was involved in recording the album as a whole, and this was a prime example: not only had we not originally planned on recording this chestnut, we'd never even played it (or considered playing it) before this night.  I'd done it a few times in my very first band, though, some twenty years ago, and after a significant  number of drinks this night, well, "inspiration" hit…  And thus, here we are.

SNAKEBITE!

From the new album FLOOZE PARTY, available through finer outlets everywhere...

SHE CRAWLS ON HER BELLY LIKE A REPTILE!

From the vaults: The stunning Lynn Fontane stars in an ersatz video for this teetering tango from the Delusionaires debut album, 2003's DESTINATION POON.  Color film was invented for this dame...

"Orlando’s Delusionaires bring us this soundtrack for a Fawcett Gold Medal paperback. This instrumental is redolent of cheap cigars and bourbon – and that’s just the way they like it. Travis McGee probably heard this stuff in a bar during a salvage operation." -- Warren Moore, SPINETINGLER MAGAZINE

HISTORY LESSON, PART ONE

Exhumed from the wreckage of the old Delusionaires website: the uncharacteristically true tale of the Delusionaires' origin, showing us to be just as ill-planned and unprepared in birth as we would be throughout our career.  The only difference was, this time it kinda had a happy ending...

SO HERE WE ARE...

... with yet another in the futile series of attempts at a Delusionaires web presence.  Let's see how long this lasts...